Confessions from a child of a hoarder
We see it all the time, we speak at a seminar, you are out having girls night, or just at the end of an in-home consult with a stranger / potential client, it always sounds something like — “What’s the worst job you’ve ever seen?” Of course, we have trained our team to reassure clients that its definitely not their house, make a quick joke about how we all have our “hot spots” where clutter collects(yes, yes, even US!), and move on with a nice and kind compliment. The goal as a professional home organizer and a requirement for every organizer on the Minimize then Organize team is make sure clients feel loved, heard, and seen… Not judged or shamed for their home. But why?
Well if you have ever lived in a home where things were constant chaos, $h!t was everywhere, and you were hesitant and SCARED for friends to come over out of fear of embarrassment, the last thing you would want was for your home organizer to come over and feel that same level of shame and judgment. If you haven’t ever lived in a situation like that, there seems to be lots of confusion, maybe a little curiosity, and lots of taboo around the topic.
I am bringing you my own version of living with hoarders, signs to look out for with family or friends, and resources to overcome hoarding if this is something you struggle with. Consider this a humorous, but serious tell-all about my experiences, and hopefully it gives you a roadmap that is encouraging and inspiring, with reminders that if you are on the path or heading to the path of hoarding, you are not alone.
It starts young.
I remember being around the late elementary / early middle school phase when I distinctly remember telling my mom “What if we meet them in town and they can ride home with us instead of their mom bringing them?” We lived a couple miles outside of the city, not too far to truly be considered “Country” but a solid 15 minute drive. It was just far enough away, and far enough from main roads where people didn’t care if you had 50 rusted cars just hanging out in the backyard at your house. I dont know how many old cars or tractors were actually out there I just remember thinking - JUNK. There is just junk everywhere. All my friends would come over and make comments about it. When I finally got the courage to question my dad he always had a whole list of reasons why we needed who-knows-how-many junked up vehicles and tractors just hanging out —
“I might need a part off that one day”
“Its good scrap metal” << That’s a personal favorite for me.
“One of these days im going to fix it up”
“I got tools stored in there!” (Please you have to get the whole vibe here - imagine my 6ft4in dad, decked out with his Liberty overalls and a King Ropes hat, wondering why in the HECK his 10 year old daughter is questioning his junk vehicle choices)
Being honest, it wasn’t just my dad who had these mindsets and behaviors. My mom had her own hoarding tendencies, as well as my grandparents. It never quite made sense to me but I found myself repeating these same habits. I was learning from all of them how to keep and hold on to a wholeeeee lotttaaaaa craappppp. I would have clothes that just wore out but in my head it made sense to keep them in case I needed “work clothes" (let me tell you - 10 year old Cabri would have gone riding on a fourwheeler in a prom dress.. Work clothes didnt exist in my world. All clothes were “work clothes”. I would BEG my mom to buy extra school supplies "because I might run out”. I was also notorious for other people wanting to get rid of things and I would somehow convince myself that I was going to “craft” with this worn out, broken thing that a normal person would have just thrown away..
What it sounds like.
It was years later when I realized that I had been keeping all this crap - not because I needed it, not because I even wanted it, and for sure not because I was going to “craft” with it. I was literally only keeping it because this seed that had been planted into my tiny young mind that told me “What you have is not enough”.
This actually helped me in terms of working with clients and organizing later on down the road in a way I never would have figured out on my own. Now we see clients who also struggle with that feeling of “What you have is not enough”. It may look different but the core concept is still very much there. It may sound something like this -
“I lost 50 pounds, but I want to hang on to my fat clothes incase I gain more weight back”
“This isnt my style but its still a good piece, so I should keep it”
“I might need it one day”
“Its soooo expensive, I should keep it”
“But ___________ (insert family or friend here) gave it to me. Its a gift, I must keep it”
Hoarding can have different ways or reasons it presents in people. For me, it was just comments and behavior that had been modeled to me by my parents. For some people it might be being raised in a non-traditional setting (grandparents, aunts / uncles, foster or adoptive care). For some it may be because they grew up in a poor or poverished household. Others it could be a deep seated emotional need to please other people. For some it may be a one-time trauma that rippled through their life, such as a house fire that took everything from them at a young age. All of these things go back to that same feeling of “What you have is not enough”.
how to break the chains
It took me alot (like, alot ALOT) of time before I even realized I didnt want to live with the keeper, collector, hoarding, not enough mindsets. And let me tell you - its not an easy mindset to break. It takes time. It takes thoughtful consideration. It forces you to make tough decisions. It forces boundaries.
But it sets you free.
Not every person’s path is the same. Its also not linear. Some people may just wake up and decide to completely become a minimalist, hoarding tendencies banished forever! Other people might start the path and it will be a constant choice that they have to think about daily. Other people might need additional resources like therapy or counseling. There might be someone else who chooses not to change their habits, and guess what - THAT IS OKAY TOO.
But if you are one of those people that DO want to change there are a couple easy, tiny, simple decluttering and organizational habits you can start today to begin making a difference in your own life.
Learning how to Declutter + Organize
If you are someone who has struggled with clutter, hoarding, and disorganization in past, I have some simple ways to SLOWLY but effectively begin the lifestyle change of becoming more organized. You can stack these habits for a more powerful impact or slowly implement them so they stick with you for years to come! (P.S. they are also great tips to helping your kids learn how to declutter and organize!)
EASY: One in, One out!
This is a simple easy way to start out small! For everything that is not a consumable, try to one in, one out rule! For every one item you bring in, you pull one item to go out (can be discarded, giveaway, donated, or gifted to a friend!). This is a super simple, fairly easy way to stop clutter from continuing to collect. Buy a new blouse, grab an old one and throw it in the donation bag. Wanting to try a new hair care product? Grab one you arent fond of, and give to a friend! Has your style changed in home you decor your house? Replace a old, outdated, or broken item with a new one!
MEDIUM: 10 Items!
This task is a little more challenging, but that more rewarding! With this, the goal is for 30 days straight, you go through random areas in your home and you are looking for 10 things you can get rid of! This will help you expedite the decluttering process while also learning how to let go and break those mental hoarding chains. My top tip: start in the master closet, kitchen, and bathroom! I feel confident that ANYONE could begin the process of becoming more organized!
HARD: Move-Out Temporarily
This task is only for the people who are super serious about changing their life and habits! While this might not feasible for everyone, there is ways you can do this that will force impact on your life. With this you temporarily move-OUT all of your belongs from your main bedroom. As you think about or need certain items, you bring them back in slowly. Some people pack boxes and move them to the garage. Other people just set things in a spare bedroom out of the way. The goal is to move everything out and only bring back in the things you truly want, need, or desire! After 30 days, you revisit the things that you moved out and decide whether you want to keep, donate, or discard the items. At this point you have not used it, or wanted it for 30 days so you can easily see the things you use versus the things you dont!
You arent alone.
Whether you too are a child from a hoarder home, or just someone drowning in a sea of clutter, I want to remind you - you are not alone! Clutter and its impact on our mental and emotional health are important, but not always the easiest to overcome. I hope this heartfelt confession encourages you to analyze your mindsets and thoughts when it comes to clutter, hoarding, and disorganization. And you have a team of friends over here that want to make sure you never feel judged, shamed, or embarrassed in the process! We promise and guarantee to make sure we keep organizing and decluttering fun and exciting!
If you aren’t already, head on over to Instagram to get a peak at our shenanigans! I promise, we will make you laugh!